Friday, July 25, 2008

Crappy Tales

Don’t blame me. Blogging is not a particularly profitable venture unless of course, you’re a Bachchan or a Khan. On second thoughts, you only make a profit when someone pays you. Well, Google Adsense program won’t contribute to my welfare fund for quite sometime simply because no one’s clicking on my ads. Watta piss off!

Quite frankly I don’t know what to write on. I do all my thinking in the toilet and that is one place that really pisses me off. Not that it’s a pretty site, but if you see me in the loo I can give Auguste Rodin’s Le Penseur (The Thinker) a run for his money. The only difference between us (discounting his chiseled body) is that The Thinker is pondering the hellish fate of those beneath him while I am worried about my bowel movement.

The toilet is a comforting place for a lot of people. But as far as I am concerned, the toilet is where most of the fights begin for me. Chill, I ain’t gonna bore you with my internal problems but it’s about women’s habit of leaving the toilet seat down. How is a man supposed to take a piss without dirtying the seat? Why the hell should I have to put up the seat to take a leak? Why can’t women simply do so after doing their bit?

We land up fighting everyday because of this shit. What infuriates me is the fact that officially the wife has made it clear that the toilet is my room, and still she refuses to follow my diktat there. It’s like living under the British Raj. You allow them to enter your space, they take over control, they allot you a piece of land to live but the rules remain theirs.

The history of toilets raises quite a stink. People in the Harappan civilization had water flushed toilets way back in 2500 BC! Wow!! I wonder who dug up so much shit to get to this data. The Italians have always been a merry bunch. Roman civilization had open air community toilets. Imagine bitching about everything in public while shitting.

The history of the toilet seat is unknown. Toilet seats never posed a problem in squat toilets. Simply cause squat toilets didn’t have any. Our ancestors never squabbled over the position of the toilet seat. The wife never got angry. The man never argued. And they made babies by the dozens. Cut to today. Man yells at wife for the seat. Wife is all worked up. Wife banishes the husband. No babies. Effective birth control.

Who would have known that the modern world uses toilet seats as birth control measure.?

Enough of this nonsense. Unless you guys wanna get bored with more shit please contribute to this blog.

Auguste Rodin’s Le Penseur

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