Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Modern Medicine

In school, I hated the Biology class. Although the natural world excited me, I simply dint want to read it off a book. The misconception I had then was that the only future of a student good at biology was to become a doctor. Doctors scared me then, and still scare me today (the wife’s a doctor, u see!)

I recently read the most pissing off article ever published. It’s the kind of article that would make every married man cringe. A recent study listed on LiveScience.com reads thus, “New Depression Rx: Get Married.”

Don’t rub your eyes, you read it correct. Some stupid study actually prescribes marriage as a cure for depression!

Can you imagine going to the doctor to cure your depression and getting a prescription that reads, “Get Married.” What about the depressive life you lead after marriage? I have not known any man as depressed as a married one.

Happy were the days when I was dating my wife. Back then, her ideal holiday was to spend some time with me. Now after marriage, she only talks about the tourist attractions in New Zealand, Australia, Dubai, etc. It seems she has mugged up the entire atlas.

The constant nagging is a biggest challenge a man has to face. I get back home and dump my clothes anywhere and off goes the wife’s cool. Things the wife can’t stand are against the very basis of nature. She is against man’s fundamental right to break wind and scratch his arse. Come on, that’s the way we men express ourselves. But the moment I do that, I am exiled to my room – the bathroom.

Somehow women’s desire of wearing the best brands and eating at the swishest of places is saved till after marriage. Maybe they don’t disclose this side earlier just to appear reasonable. And once the marriage is registered, rises the real woman.

To enlighten you on the biggest ills of marriage, I believe, “Marriage maybe short-lived, but alimony is forever.”

Now tell me how any scientific study can prescribe marriage as an antidote to depression.
Oh, the horrors we visit upon ourselves in the name of science!

Pic contributed by Sonal Baid


Monday, May 12, 2008

IPL: Incredibly Phatak Ladies

A heat wave swept Bangalore, Karnataka on 18th April, 2008. A lavish opening ceremony commenced the much awaited Indian Premier League sponsored by the real-estate giant,DLF. The tournament was touted to be the next best thing after Baywatch to hit television screens. Eight teams were formed and a shit load of cash was spent on their branding and hype.

The tournament kick-started with Shah Rukh Khan’s Kolkata Knight Riders taking on Vijay Mallya’s Royal Challengers. Though the Royal Challengers lost the match without a fight they found themselves a supporter. A loyal supporter in yours truly. The Bangalore team has THE best cheerleaders. I don’t care about the lousy cricket on offer, it’s the Washington Redskins that have roped in all the eyeballs. Ain’t that true, boys?

One team that started off badly was Rajasthan Royals. Lost their first match and did nothing to win fans. Shane Warne transformed them into a formidable side and the owners Emerging Media group got some real hot cheerleaders. God bless Emerging Media.

I personally feel that SRK’s team will be the first to post profits given the lovely branding he’s upto. BUT someone please shoot his lousy designer. Has anyone been able to decipher the clothes worn by his cheerleaders? To compensate for the cheerleaders, SRK's wife Gauri dresses up as one. The authorities should keep her off the ground cause she looks more like a fearleader. But are the lazy Kolkattans complaining?

Mumbai Indians. The less said the better. The MI team just found its element in the last couple of games. With Shaun Pollock as captain they are faring better but certainly Mr. Ambani could have picked a better side had he visited Oval Maidan once.
And he could have picked better cheerleaders had he hired the unemployed bar dancers. Wondering if the MI cheerleaders are competing with their counterparts from Kolkata. Let the true champion of morality, Mr RR Patil (Dy. CM of Maharashtra) judge this ugly competition.

As a owner I think Preity Zinta has done a wonderful job with her team, Kings XI Punjab. She’s making both the genders happy. The wife loves Brett Lee and Shaun Marsh. And Priety has replaced her old cheerleaders simply cause they weren't hot enough. PZ, I love you.

The Chennai Super Kings started with a bang, lost its way in the middle and are now bouncing back. My piss off is the ugly bunch of cheerleaders that accompany the team. Couldn't Dhoni use his Midas Touch to turn them into something meaningful. Mr Patil, please make a note of these beauties you will be judging.

IPL should blacklist GMR, the owners of the Delhi Daredevils for making irresponsible comments like banning their cheerleaders from all future matches they play.

The Deccan Chargers have a wonderful team and a gorgeous set of cheerleaders to boast of. But they have no public support. They have been consistently losing matches and the cheerleaders chose to cover up. :-(

I am praying that all matches played now onwards be between the Rajasthan Royals & the Royal Challengers. And that each ball crosses the boundary rope. And the cameras only focus on the cheerleaders. ;-)

The only piss-off, the lousy Royal Challengers ain’t hitting enough boundaries and sixes for their cheerleaders to break into a dance. Jump Washington Redskins jump ;-)

Rest in peace Baywatch, the IPL Cheerleaders are here. N so is the wife...Oucchhhhhh.


Saturday, May 3, 2008

Summer Weddings :-(

A couple of weeks ago, I was in Jaipur, Rajasthan to attend my cousin’s wedding. The very fact that I had to be in Jaipur in the April heat scared me more than the institution of marriage. Rajasthan’s dry climate with the sun blazing full-on is far more lethal than a wife can be.

The exercise to pack your best formals can be such a chore when you have to plan for a wedding in 40˚ Celsius. I managed to stuff clothes for two days. The wife packed in all her finest heavy sarees and I thought the woman had lost it.

The heat was unbearable and I stuck to being indoors. The biggest problem was the daily battle between Snobby (our pet dog) and me to grab a place directly in front of the desert cooler.

The dinner after the wonderful sangeet program was the killer. Rajasthan being the land of royalty has some really rich food to offer. Right from the starters to desserts Rajasthani food is packed with ghee and spices. It’s the kind of food you would love to gorge on in the winters, but the Rajasthanis somehow never learnt to differentiate between the seasons. There I was having the spiciest of pastas that mankind could have dished out. The next morning I was down with a bad tummy and still had two more meals to go. I skipped the lunch and drank only strawberry milkshake for the dinner.

Between all this, I could imagine the plight of the bride and the groom. The bride was wearing a 10kg lehenga and the customary makeup. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and sympathized with her. The groom looked a lil more relieved cause he didn’t have to deck up as much as the bride but little does the idiot know what’s in store for him as a married man.

What pisses me off is the logic behind summer weddings. And more so summer weddings in north India. You can’t relish the food nor wear the clothes you always fantasized about in the wedding catalogues. Why can't parents permit a beach wedding instead? Imagine the babes in beachwear ;-)

Shit, here comes the wife. Though I was married in the chilly winters I am still feeling the heat.


Friday, May 2, 2008


Frustation. Anger. Irritation. That’s what gets me going. It’s the overall feeling of being super-pissed about everything in life that has prompted me to start this blog. Maybe you would identify with a few issues or maybe not. You could have your own views - views that totally contrast mine. I would like you to share your outlook and further enhance this blog.

Why I chose such a shady name for this blog?
Well, simply because it’s a reflection of the lives of most people. We are either getting pissed about issues or getting pissed upon by the higher-ups.

As I write this, my biggest piss-off is the fact I actually wanted my blog to be spelt “PISSED.” But some bitch called Melissa has hogged that name and the last time she updated her blog was in November 2001. I am even PISS’D about that.

Let the cribbings begin!

Ps: I am a newbie blogger and would love it if you help me with your input and let me get Piss'd further.

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